I'm gonna try and make this a quick post even though I really need to go to bed and not sit here. God, I'm tired so ignore spelling mistakes and weird sentence structures.

It was Midsummer on Friday but it's nothing I really celebrate. The only good thing is the strawberry's with cream and sugar... I've never in my entire life danced around a Midsummer's pole like many other Swedes do. Never will either! Stupid tradition.

Me and Therese had discussed on going to a amusement park but since neither one of us had money and the wheather sucked, we decided not to. But the wheather did get better later in the evening. He had asked me some days earlier if I wanted to come to the party he was gonna have at his place at Midsummer but it felt stupid asking if I could come the same day. But now I regret not doing so...

(I took this picture from my room. Mmmm lightning. Normal wheather for Midsummer and normal Swedish shit summer )

I later went to my Uncle - who lives on the other side of the town - and only sat with the adults (who quickly got drunk) and went inside to my cousin who is eleven and played video games with her and Fredrik (Stefan's youngest child). We played Eye Toy and I still have aches from it (my body isn't used to moving that much). Cycled back home at around 12.30 AM and it was really, really cold (it's supposed to be summer dammit!). Made myself ready for bed and hit the sack at around 1 AM. Couldn't sleep. Then Jeremy gets home at around 1.15 and is supposedly drunk and he sits beneath my window talking on the phone to around 1.35. He then runs up and down the street jumping and screaming. I stick my head out the window asking him what the hell he's doing. He then asks me if I wanna go for a walk. I can't sleep anyway so whatehell. He ran around all the time and I asked him if he was drunk and he denied it. Funny? No. But he did admit it later and I could see on him that he was drunk so there was really nothing to deny. We got home again around 2.30.

Finally fell asleep at around 3.15-3.30 AM. The sun was going up again.

Saturday. Went to my Grandfather to celebrate his to celebrate his seventy anniversary in his caravan at a camping site in Landskrona. It was fun to meet relatives and all that stuff but it slowly went out of hand as the hours rolled by. My grandfather is known for being stingy and not that known for offering things. He now offered beer so the people gladly took as much as they could. Some poeple got very drunk including my mum and my uncle Mats. It was rather funny having them in the car home. I got tired of the entire thing and sat inside the caravan playing cards.

Came home and sat down by MSN and asked him if we could meet on Sunday.

Sunday. Woke up and sat down by MSN and started talking with him and asked if we could meet around 2 PM. He gladly went along with that so we met and he was gonna have "breakfast" so we went to a pizzeria and he offered to pay for the food (it's the first time ever a guy does something like that for me). We sat down in a remote part of the resturant and ate and talked. I'm so surprised I can talk that easily with him. We haven't met that muchor talked very much but still it feels like weäve known each other all the time.

After the food we decided to go to my place. It's just that we didn't get far until we met two of his friends and talked a little. They where on their way to one of the guys place and they asked if we wanted to join. I said ok so we went upstairs. The apartment was filled with computers, video game consoles and games and movies and the walls were all covered with Super Mario, Zelda, Warcraft posters. Nerd heaven. Nerds are cool though. Me and him played Guitar Hero III and he beat me big time. The guy who lived there then said he was gonna go get dinner so we went to his friends place and watched the movie "Cry Baby". I sat next to him and his hand slowly grabbed mine and I just felt happiness running through my body.

This is all so new to me. I've never in my life had a boyfriend and never known how to approach the guys I've found interesting but now I sat there holding his hand and I didn't really know what to do. But I like him and now it's confirmed that he obviously likes me too so what do I do next?
During my entire adolescence I never felt like this. I got to a point where I thought I didn't have any feelings at all (least of all love) but this must prove that I do have some kind of feelings. I just don't know how to show them.

But anyway. We later went back to that friends place and played some more videgames. I bet him at Wii Bowling three times in a row and then I bet him and his friend at Baseball too wih 8-2. Damn I'm good. They both followed me home at around 10.30 PM and I hugged him goodbye. I felt all happy as I went inside and I haven't been able to keep him off my mind the entire weekend. Is this that feeling that people talk about that is called love?


And this took me way too long to write. It's 0.20 AM now and I was dead tired an hour ago and now I'm getting alert again. This sucks. I need to sleep. Gonna get up early and get ready 'cause I'm gonna go for a visit at a folk high school tomorrow.

I'm taking one step forward instead of two steps backwards. And I'm slowly leaving my bubble and it feels good. It feels damn good actually...